eric forsyth's posting place

Father thoughts v.1

People look at me bright eyed and ask "How long until...?" I tell them January 14th and their eyes get wider as they either exhale or inhale dramatically and say something along the lines of "Eee! are you excited?"

Nope. What's to be excited about?

Theirs is a rhetorical question, of course (at least it should be). I find myself falling into an awkward social rut of responding to this reaction/question with some facade of humility and something along the lines of "I have no idea of what I'm doing, but yep, very excited."

Truth is, I've been thinking of this impending due date for quite a while and I should have some inkling of an idea what I'm doing, even if there is a lot of truth to to cliche wisdom like "Your life is about to completely change" and "Your first kid is just practice, nobody knows what they are doing."

On a less-important practical level, I helped change my baby brother's diapers when I was 11 and 12 years old. Jaime has enrolled us in hours and hours of baby/new parent classes offered at the hospital. I've been reading the books and gobbling up resources and info online. 

On a deeper level, the passing of my own father in 2009 forced me into a more serious reflection of what kind of dad I want to be and what things in my own life can be sourced back to the way I was raised. My ecclesiastical education constantly stresses and reinforces the simplest yet wisest of principles that inevitably lead to your own brand good parenting. And I've been hearing and reading about it since I was a kid, not just in my adult years. 

Jaime and I waited over 5 years between getting married and having a kid. We've spent a lot of time together, shared a lot of adventures and dated our faces off. 

There's a lot more of all of this to come, my "training" has only begun, but I do feel like this kid is a very natural next step. So yes, I'm "excited" and optimistically looking forward to the challenges and adventures.

I think I force out the words "I have no idea what I'm doing" as some sort of backwards humble-brag to myself and nod to the "the more you know, the more you know you don't know" philosophy. I spend quite a bit of time introspectively cutting through the clutter of parenting tactics and boiling down to the most basic of principles I would like to govern happiness and love in our home. Here's my first stab at writing them down. I realize this list is likely naive and idealistic. I don't care. That said, this list is bound to evolve. These are the things we'll learn through doing and witnessing, more than being told and formally taught:

  1. We'll be nice people. 
    • The world does not revolve around you, but if you're nice enough people may think you're the greatest person in their world. Remember that kind words really do make people feel better, so be that person that says nice things, and it helps if you mean it. Complimenting is easy, free and quick. And do nice things. Give time, effort and charity even when they aren't easy, free or quick - because you're grateful for what you have. Be anonymous. Learn the ironically selfish benefits of warm fuzzies early and replicate the actions that lead to the symptoms as much as you can. Do your part to make the world more civil and understanding. Be nice.
  2. We'll learn to love learning.
    • Or at least strongly avoid any resemblance of an aversion to learning new things). Geek out on at least one thing at a time any given year/season of life. A geek is not socially inept (that's a nerd, btw). A geek simply combines intelligence and passion on a particular topic. This can be reading. This can be colors, gardening, or geography. It can be drums or geo-caching. This will obviously evolve and be different for a 3 year old than it is for a 15 year old, but the point is, learning is cool. Learning is not scary. 
  3. We'll be confident because we know who we are.
    • Whether this is on the bicycle at 3 or 4 years old, a long hike with dad at 8 years old or asking out a girl at 16 years old, we'll believe in ourselves because our family has our back and we're Forsyths. We have divine origins and ambitions and can keep a simple and enabling eternal perspective. We'll learn and remember that hard work yields enviable results. Tough life milestones are scary and we may want to find ways to circumnavigate them, but we won't expect special treatment and we'll fight feelings of entitlement if when they creep in. We'll build confidence and independence through a series of victories over life's challenges - both those we volunteered for (e.g. learning a new instrument or sport) and those that force themselves upon us (e.g. middle school in general).
What would be on your little list? Note, the principle should be boiled down to a pithy practice, even if you expound with a sub-bullet like I have. Yes, I want my kids to learn to love and appreciate the outdoors, be independent, learn music, etc. but this isn't that list. This is my attempt to bridle the specific dreams and not live their lives for them in advance. Trying to keep it broad, wise practices and principles

Again, I have no idea of what I'm doing, but yep, very excited.

2011 Zeitgeist

I already posted my own personal recap of 2011, but I left out the world events that stuck with me, as I felt those were more appropriate for a separate post. Leave it to Google to sum up the search terms that capture the zeitgeist of 2011. Makes this much easier (lazier, yes, but easier).

This world is just insanely fascinating when you slow down and reflect. I'm so glad I live in a time when these online resources make it so easy to glimpse into what real people are going through all over the planet (with a little bit of media literacy you can weed out the controlled biased info from unfiltered). Remember when the best year-end recap we had was a measly print issue of TIME magazine's corporate controlled year in review? I know Google is extremely "corporate" but at least this is based on real people's searches and I think it was put together very well. I forgive the ton of Google+ plugs in there, since it still comes out as a great little video in its own right, marketing motives aside. And that's marketing at its best, I think. The same reason why VW's little vader Passat ad was so widely shared this year as well. Most people could care less about the Passat, but they made a great little video that held up on it's own - and guess what? VW brand affinity and Passat sales are doing great, I think. 

2011 recap, so far.

I must say, this was a good year. I feel I've grown closer to Jaime this year than any other year, perhaps with the exclusion of our first year of marriage. Plenty of micro and macro adventures. I feel I need to recap some highlights, just so they are recorded.

It started by flying to London on Jan 3rd. I spent most of the next eight and a half months there. I got to know our Hoxton / Shoreditch neighborhood pretty well. Turns out the London winter wasn't so bitter cold as people warned. It's just that the sun rarely showed itself. We walked a lot. The first 4 months are chronicled by Jaime on her temporary blog abroad here. Scrolling through it, I realize that we did quite a bit in the first 4 months during forced gaps/weekends when I wasn't working:
  • Spent some time the Somerset English countryside and fell in love with the area and people.
  • Took the Eurostar through the Chunnel to Paris a couple times for work and brought Jaime along once. That was something I've wanted to do with her since I went there for work in 2010. We had a wonderful time taking in the city, eating good food and just spending time together for a couple days. (Jaime's Day 1 post here.)
  • Took a train up to explore my Scottish heritage in Edinburgh. Ate Haggis. Smiled proudly when Jaime ordered her own Forsyth tartan scarf. Was nice to hang with the Scots, even if it was cold and wet up there.
  • Took the quick 3-day trip of the year with Jaime to Munich, Germany and Salzburg & Hallstatt, Austria. Rented a new VW Scirocco 2.0 TDI 6-speed and drove on the Autobahn, around lakes and windy Austrian Alp roads. And it was towed in Salzburg, just to add to the overall adventure. Such an amazing trip.
  • And of course explored all over London. Lots of street markets, good food, parks, museums, more food, London Symphony Orchestra, playing open mic nights, living the London life. Lots of walking, buses and the underground.
We missed our dog a lot. To the point where it ached sometimes. I had my work to keep me (very) busy, but Jaime was pretty much on vacation. Which was great but could be quite difficult for her too. No friends. No dog. No job. No church calling. Just London and me (when I wasn't working). My 3-6 month assignment kept being extended and she went back home at the end of April to relieve the best house sitters in the world, our friends Ben and Breanne.

I stayed in London through the middle of August and without Jaime I fell into the life of a London local. Not so much touring around (except the weekend Triumph motorcycle ride and showing visiting friends the sites). Just a lonely guy without his wife, working long hours and continuing to explore London on the weekends. With Jaime not around I ate a lot more Vietnamese, Indian and street food and I cooked for myself more, whereas when Jaime was in London, she did almost all the cooking since she didn't have much else to do. 

I was in London when the riots went down which was very interesting to follow both on the UK news, US news and in person.

I was able to come home to Colorado for a couple weeks in May and then again in June, so splitting my time was nice, even if it did throw my brain for a fry fest, always working on London time regardless of where I was or how much I was able to sleep. I was able to play a couple gigs while I was home in Colorado and play open mics and work on new songs while in London.

Even with all these new experiences, the biggest change of 2011 came when Jaime picked me up at the Denver airport in mid May. She didn't wait for me to get in the car, she was beaming and told me right on the curb that she's pregnant. A boy, due January 14, 2012, just in time for the Mayan calendar to run out, I guess. Jaime makes for a very cute pregnant lady and we feel very blessed and excited. And then I was off, back to London for a few weeks. Then back to Jaime in Colorado for a couple weeks in June. Then back to London until August 14th. Jaime visited London for a week over my birthday in July, which was really nice break from my long distance life in London. 

Then back home to Colorado for good (for now) in August. Besides generally enjoying being back in Louisville and Boulder and taking advantage of the normal day to day joys here, here are some other things I've been up to since being back stateside, not necessarily in order:

  • A Trip to Yosemite with Daniel and Francesca right away, climbed Half Dome in personal record time.
  • I climbed Longs Peak with Nate Woods and Zach Olsen in September. 
  • Generally preparing for the baby and all that goes along with that (lots of classes Jaime signed us up for, shopping, researching, thinking, talking, more shopping.)
  • Remodeled the bathroom, painted the bedroom finally (which needed to be done since we moved in 2009), playing gigs, a hot air balloon ride on Jaime's 25th birthday, Durango Songwriters Expo for me.
  • A trip back east to hang out with my mom and Ian. A day in NY. 2nd annual "Vampire Weekend" and paintballing fun with friends at a rented cabin in Estes Park.
  • A great, simple Thanksgiving with Jaime's parents at home in Louisville, CO. My Grandpa Gordon Forsyth's 90th birthday we were able to share with him while he was in town. A cold spell, snow, and here we are. Almost Christmas.

What next? Oh yeah, a baby. Crazy. This year of deprived sleep patterns was probably good practice for next year.

KUNC and The National Day of Listening

Have you heard of The National Day of Listening? NPR features StoryCorps interviews/stories every now and then, and the National Day of Listening (the day after Thanksgiving) is their way of encouraging everybody to take part and interview someone you love or admire (like a parent or a teacher) and record it for posterity. If you do it through StoryCorps, they catalog it in thr Library of Congress, and they may air it on the radio if you give permission.

KUNC was nice enough to offer up their professional resources to their listeners for free and we had a nice time pulling some interesting memories out of Grandpa the day after Thanksgiving. I had the chance to sit in on my aunt Heather Forsyth Kehr interviewing my grandpa Gordan James Forsyth in a pro radio booth at KUNC studios in Greeley, CO 

Tangent: Wendy Wham is a DJ / Producer at KUNC who plays my music on the radio. I wanted to swing by her office / booth and say hi and meet her in person while I was there but she pre-recorded her show that day to take the holiday off. She later heard I was there and called me a couple days later and asked me to come in and record a feature on my music with her, so I'll be going in and doing that next week. Looking forward to it. If it turns out well and is aired, well, let's just say I love KUNC.

Enough about me, back to Grandpa. On Tuesday, they came over to celebrate Gandpa's 90th birthday at our place in Louisville, CO. I made three pizzas and I dare say it was some of the best pizza I've ever made. You really missed out. But you can listen to a recording of the interview from the National Day of Listening here. 

(download)
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12 Things Happy People Do Differently (+1 more from me)

I came across this article today on 12 Things Happy People Do Differently. As I went down the list, most of these items called out an aspect of my life/psyche I feel I've cultivated quite well, but some could use some work. My personal notes are in italics after each point from the article below. I felt compelled to add my own 13th point to the end. Take a look and see what you think.

  1. Express gratitude. – When you appreciate what you have, what you have appreciates in value. Kinda cool right?  So basically, being grateful for the goodness that is already evident in your life will bring you a deeper sense of happiness. And that’s without having to go out and buy anything. It makes sense.  We’re gonna have a hard time ever being happy if we aren’t thankful for what we already have. [When I was a teenager, something inside me clicked and I realized happiness doesn't bring about gratitude nearly as much as gratitude brings about happiness. It helps to live in a naturally beautiful place as well, but maybe that just the grateful granola in me. More on that on #9 below. (Many of these points overlap, I’ve found)]
  2. Cultivate optimism. – Winners have the ability to manufacture their own optimism.  No matter what the situation, the successful diva is the chick who will always find a way to put an optimistic spin on it. She knows failure only as an opportunity to grow and learn a new lesson from life. People who think optimistically see the world as a place packed with endless opportunities, especially in trying times. [I think healthy ambition fits in this category too - say "Yes. I. Can." with confidence and optimism and then do it, and do it well. That way it's not just optimism (read: hope) in the face of challenges, it's a proven track record of accomplishments that serve as a comfort and positive outlook before the next hill to climb. This is very much linked to #10 below.]
  3. Avoid over-thinking and social comparison. – Comparing yourself to someone else can be poisonous.  If we’re somehow ‘better’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, it gives us an unhealthy sense of superiority.  Our ego inflates – KABOOM – our inner Kanye West comes out!  If we’re ‘worse’ than the person that we’re comparing ourselves to, we usually discredit the hard work that we’ve done and dismiss all the progress that we’ve made.  What I’ve found is that the majority of the time this type of social comparison doesn’t stem from a healthy place.  If you feel called to compare yourself to something, compare yourself to an older version of yourself. [We all do this to some degree. This one seems to be a big deal these days with the 99% vs. the 1%, the London youth rioting because they want what the wealthy seem to have in the media, people wanting to look like Hollywood celebrities, etc. There’s not much I can say here except that a sense of self-worth and respect is best instilled at the early age, as a child. Tough to train adults in this. Also I think #4 below helps avoid this rut of comparison. Give of yourself to others, especially in service to those who are less fortunate.]
  4. Practice acts of kindness. – Performing an act of kindness releases serotonin in your brain.  (Serotonin is a substance that has TREMENDOUS health benefits, including making us feel more blissful.)  Selflessly helping someone is a super powerful way to feel good inside.  What’s even cooler about this kindness kick is that not only will you feel better, but so will people watching the act of kindness.  How extraordinary is that?  Bystanders will be blessed with a release of serotonin just by watching what’s going on.  A side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking ass and taking names. [As I spent 3 hours early Saturday morning volunteering to vacuum, mop, scrub and dust my church building, I felt surprisingly happy in my labor. A Gordon B. Hinckley quote that stuck with me since my teenage years: "Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.”]
  5. Nurture social relationships. – The happiest people on the planet are the ones who have deep, meaningful relationships.  Did you know studies show that people’s mortality rates are DOUBLED when they’re lonely?  WHOA!  There’s a warm fuzzy feeling that comes from having an active circle of good friends who you can share your experiences with.  We feel connected and a part of something more meaningful than our lonesome existence. [I love my friends and I’m very grateful for them. I hope they know that. That said, I’ve added a 13th point below about being okay with solitude.]
  6. Develop strategies for coping. – How you respond to the ‘craptastic’ moments is what shapes your character.  Sometimes crap happens – it’s inevitable.  Forrest Gump knows the deal.  It can be hard to come up with creative solutions in the moment when manure is making its way up toward the fan.  It helps to have healthy strategies for coping pre-rehearsed, on-call, and in your arsenal at your disposal. [Make decisions in advance. Are you a jerk when you’re stressed? Have you ever seriously considered the possibility that your spouse or dog may unexpectedly die one day? What if you lose your job? How will you handle it and what will help you get through it with wisdom and grace? Give some general ‘craptastic’ scenarios some serious thought before they happen, even if it’s uncomfortable to consider. This leads to some soul searching. Don’t run away from it, you’ll come out stronger if you take the opportunity.]
  7. Learn to forgive. – Harboring feelings of hatred is horrible for your well-being.  You see, your mind doesn’t know the difference between past and present emotion.  When you ‘hate’ someone, and you’re continuously thinking about it, those negative emotions are eating away at your immune system.  You put yourself in a state of suckerism (technical term) and it stays with you throughout your day. [Life’s too short to hold grudges. Actually, life is too long to hold grudges. Either way, let it go.]
  8. Increase flow experiences. – Flow is a state in which it feels like time stands still.  It’s when you’re so focused on what you’re doing that you become one with the task.  Action and awareness are merged.  You’re not hungry, sleepy, or emotional.  You’re just completely engaged in the activity that you’re doing.  Nothing is distracting you or competing for your focus. [This is guitar for me. When I sit down in a quiet room and play well-crafted guitar and sing to nobody but myself, I get lost in it. There’s no self-consciousness of a performance for others, no worries about my bills or my job or my future. Just the current acoustics of the room. Find that thing you can do with your hands or your senses that lets you reach that state of flow.]
  9. Savor life’s joys. – Deep happiness cannot exist without slowing down to enjoy the joy.  It’s easy in a world of wild stimuli and omnipresent movement to forget to embrace life’s enjoyable experiences.  When we neglect to appreciate, we rob the moment of its magic.  It’s the simple things in life that can be the most rewarding if we remember to fully experience them. [This is going to sound cheesy, but then you’ll do it (or you already do) and you’ll agree, it’s magic: Listen to good jazz in your dark living room. Live somewhere beautiful where you can take morning and evening walks and savor the scenery. Find foods you love to cook from scratch. Add to this list with your own simple joys you savor.]
  10. Commit to your goals. – Being wholeheartedly dedicated to doing something comes fully-equipped with an ineffable force.  Magical things start happening when we commit ourselves to doing whatever it takes to get somewhere.  When you’re fully committed to doing something, you have no choice but to do that thing.  Counter-intuitively, having no option – where you can’t change your mind – subconsciously makes humans happier because they know part of their purpose. [Related to #2 above. Make a list of "impressive or difficult things I will do." Write out a plan for each one, and then do each one. If it's the prospect of bragging rights and a level gained expertise that keep you motivated, that's what works for me - just make sure to harness the bragging once you've actually achieved the goal. Be the nice guy that does cool/hard things. You'll still be left with a satisfying sense of fulfillment, and more people will like and respect you.]
  11. Practice spirituality. – When we practice spirituality or religion, we recognize that life is bigger than us.  We surrender the silly idea that we are the mightiest thing ever.  It enables us to connect to the source of all creation and embrace a connectedness with everything that exists.  Some of the most accomplished people I know feel that they’re here doing work they’re “called to do.” [My eternal perspective and desire to be spiritually in tune definitely contributes to overall happiness. No doubt about it. If you’d like to know more about what I believe, let me know, or watch some videos on Mormon.org. J]
  12. Take care of your body. – Taking care of your body is crucial to being the happiest person you can be.  If you don’t have your physical energy in good shape, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected.  Did you know that studies conducted on people who were clinically depressed showed that consistent exercise raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft?  Not only that, but here’s the double whammy… Six months later, the people who participated in exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth. [Jaime has commented many times that I look happiest when I walk in the front door after having come down some mountain. No matter how exhausted I may be, I’m also genuinely happy from the inside out. I think half of this is simply being out in nature and the other half is the natural exercise I get from it. Lately I’ve also been training myself to feel the mental and physical benefits of simply eating better, stretching every day (my own amateur version of yoga) and doing pushups and sit ups. Doing these things leaves my mind clearer and happier directly afterward.]
  13. Find joy in solitude. The original list only had 12, and I’m adding this one. I love time alone to think, listen to the radio, play guitar, write or cook. Some things are great to share, and some things are great to do alone. It’s an overlapping venn diagram, and I think it’s important to be okay with solitude. Embrace it when it’s available. I worry about people who can’t handle solitude even in small doses. When their loved ones aren’t readily available, they tend to be miserable because sharing, talking and directly interacting is the only way they know to be happy. This is not to diminish the very real gift of friends and authentic social stimulus (# 5 above). It’s just to say that if they aren’t around, happiness should still be within reach and life should still be an adventure.

Health - Thanksgiving, part 1

I have friends and family that aren't healthy and suffer through some serious physical challenges. Having just completed a full physical with blood and urine analysis, I feel humbled and very grateful to be really healthy. It's probably a good idea to dwell on this gratitude while one is healthy. I thought I'd record it here on my blog to make sure I never caught myself saying "You don't appreciate what you have until it's gone." I think I'll take a hike this afternoon with Annie If/when I get sick one day, I'll look back and be able to say "I used my healthy days well."

I have daily allergies and my vision isn't perfect, but that's about it. It makes me want to reach out and be whatever kind of support I can to my friends and family that are going through tough illnesses, cancer, chronic pain, etc.